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2006 NFL predictions

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Here are, in no particular order, some assorted predictions for the 2006 NFL season. Guaranteed correct or your money back.

  1. Eli Manning will not live up to the considerable media hype.
  2. The Philadelphia Eagles will finish their season 11-5, winning the difficult NFC East. The hated Dallas Cowboys will finish second in the division, despite Terrell Eldorado Owens' antics. The aforementioned Eli Manning's Giants will not make the playoffs, due to their tough schedule and aging running game. The Washington Redskins will implode.
  3. I shall once again win my suicide pool, although my chances of going 17-0 like last season are damn near impossible. I am very sorry that I did not join a bigger pool last year, since such a feat would have won me 5 figures in some of the pools that are around. Please email me or comment if you run such a pool.
  4. Raiders owner Al Davis will not be a very happy man. He's crazy, by the way.
  5. Cowboys coach Dick Parcells will not be a very happy man. Part of me feels sorry for poor Tuna, because he is a good, sane, right-thinking fellow who is now surrounded by lunatics (Jones, Vanderjagt, Owens - did I mention Jones?) But most of me chortles at the fact that he is going to make Owens' life as difficult as he can. This bet with Faceman is whisky in the bank.
  6. The Madden Curse will continue. Poor Shaun Alexander has to battle both the Madden Curse and the Super Bowl Loser's Curse (just like Donovan Mcnabb last year). Promoting Chunky Soup would give him a trifecta.
  7. Kicker Mike Vanderjagt will miss a critical potential winning or tying kick in the waning seconds of a game. This will not make Mr. Parcells happy.
  8. My buddy Cooter will deep-fry a turkey before watching football on Thanksgiving Day.
  9. My buddy ZMama will not become a Niners fan, despite having moved to the Bay Area.
  10. New England's Tom Brady and Bill Belichick will be exposed as mediocre talent who have had a run of great luck. (I wrote that just to see if you were paying attention. Of course, the real prediction is that the Patriots will take the Deion Branch holdout and loss of kicker Adam Viniateri in stride, culminating in another successful season. Their organization remains the class of the NFL.)
  11. Brett Favre will end his career with a horrible losing season, due primarily to front office incompetence. Good offenses are built around the line, guys. The lack of protection will be ugly.
  12. Football remains a game of attrition, and injuries will have a big effect in December and January. This is not so much a prediction as an immutable truth.
  13. San Diego Coach Marty Schottenheimer, if he can make it to the playoffs, will make a boneheaded decision resulting in a loss and/or failure to cover the spread, making me lots of money in the process. (I will never forget betting on the Chargers in 2004 and seeing the graphic "Schottenheimer - 5-11 playoff record" cross the bottom of the screen in overtime. Good times.)

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  • I'm Sunset Shazz
  • Living the dream in Istanbul, Turkey
  • I grew up in the hardscrabble streets of suburban Ottawa, Ontario, committing petty crime, insulting the elderly - basically the classic misspent youth. When I was 19, I moved to West Philly, where I put myself through the Wharton School by dealing crack and hustling. After stints in Paris and London, I eventually graduated and moved to San Francisco, where I put in eight years hard labor working for The Man. But now I pop bottles with models, deciding cracked crab or lobster - who says mobsters don't prosper?
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