Dear John Walker and Sons,

Returning from a trip to Cyprus, I recently took the opportunity to purchase your product from the airport's convenient duty free shop. I have long admired the singular mix of high quality malt whiskies which compose your admirably-balanced Johnnie Walker Black blend. This evening, after an eventful day and a satisfying meal, I returned to my flat, put my feet up, and attempted to pour myself a small measure of your fine product.

Removing the handsome bottle from its box, I unscrewed the cap, selected a clean glass, and poured.

I was dismayed at the lack of result.

It seems that your company has seen fit to install a plastic contraption along the mouth of the bottle which, upon further investigation, has proven to be a fiendishly effective barrier which separates me from my hard-earned whisky. Try as I might (and, believe me, I did try), I have been unable to pierce this contraption. I tried slicing the metal membrane which surrounds the bottom of the cap. I attempted to pierce the plastic using the point of a steak knife, the butt end of a teaspoon and a corkscrew. To no avail.

As is related in a recent news article, so-called "package rage" is becoming more and more prevalent. Before succumbing to such rage and tossing your precious whisky off my balcony, I merely poured myself a thimbleful of the Laphroaig 10 year Single Islay Malt which sits on my bar shelf. The good folks at Laphroaig have sealed their fine spirit with a contraption known colloquially as a "cork". Your research department may want to investigate this technology.

Yours Very Truly,

"Sunset" Shazz


The balcony from which I might have thrown my whisky