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Tips for Turkish drivers

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So, you've decided to drive in Turkey? Well, here are some tips for you, gleaned from meticulous observation of the Turkish driver in his natural habitat:
  • Traffic lights are mere suggestions. Ditto stop signs, one-way signs and "do not enter" signs. In fact, don't bother with signs at all - they are primarily ornamental.
  • Use your horn as much as possible. It encourages the guy in front of you to drive faster. If you are a cab driver, you should try and use your horn constantly. Just lean against it with your elbow. Honking is not only desirable, it is mandatory. The only reason, as a cab driver, you should ever not be honking is when you are lighting your cigarette.
  • Pedestrians are created for your own amusement and target practice. If you're a cab driver, the very fact that these idiots are walking means that you're losing a fare, which is literally taking food from your childrens' mouths. These people should pay for their temerity with bodily injury. If you cannot manage to hit them, at least try and drive quickly through a puddle in order to soak them. Fuck them bitches.
  • If you're a cab driver, never use deodorant. It just interferes with your horn blowing.
  • U-turns are not only permissible, they are encouraged. In fact, every now and again you should pull a U-turn or three-point-turn, preferably in the middle of a crowded street, in an intersection. Bonus points are awarded if you hit a pedestrian or block traffic in more than two directions.
  • Remember, you're in a car! You are, therefore, Lord of the road, and deserve to smite all others. Above all, have fun! And keep honking.

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About me

  • I'm Sunset Shazz
  • Living the dream in Istanbul, Turkey
  • I grew up in the hardscrabble streets of suburban Ottawa, Ontario, committing petty crime, insulting the elderly - basically the classic misspent youth. When I was 19, I moved to West Philly, where I put myself through the Wharton School by dealing crack and hustling. After stints in Paris and London, I eventually graduated and moved to San Francisco, where I put in eight years hard labor working for The Man. But now I pop bottles with models, deciding cracked crab or lobster - who says mobsters don't prosper?
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